People are more important than things. It seems so logical. Of course, we believe people are more important than things. Right?
Until a child spills something on the carpet.
Until we yell at someone who distracts us and makes us lose the game we are playing on our phone.
Until we are the ones distracted in our family relationships by shopping for that new car or a new house.
One of our daughters, who has four little kids, came up with a creative solution called “toy jail” to show how siblings are more important than things. In this case, toys.
Simply put, when siblings fight too much over a toy (get ready for that battle post Christmas!), she has a designated spot where toys go when they’ve been “sentenced.” This fun concept has proven to be an effective way to manage toy-related conflicts and teach important lessons about relationships.
Why does a toy end up in toy jail? Because when we fight over toys, it shows the toy is more important than the sibling. My daughter explains to her kids that if an item becomes more important than their sibling, it can no longer be played with. While the idea of toy jail might seem silly at first, the heart of her approach is serious: sibling relationships are the top priority in her home. If a toy threatens that relationship, she takes action to remove the threat.
She tells her children that they can earn back the toy only when they demonstrate a willingness to choose each other over it. This often leads to productive discussions, where the kids work through their disagreements. Whether they choose to resolve their conflict or simply move on to another activity, they learn to prioritize each other instead of material possessions.
I love it how she took a principle – siblings are more important than things – and has a practical solution to show her kids the clear application of that principle in their family. As more and more toys go to toy jail, they begin to understand the value of siblings and family.
Think this doesn’t work on teenagers? Maybe their cell phone goes to jail (maybe you call it something else – be creative!) if they are consistently distracted at home from conversations with you and/or their siblings. Maybe it goes into a safe place for the dinner table, or they put it away an hour before bedtime.
Just make sure it’s not a random punishment. Tie the action and the consequence to the principle.
We put away our things because our family relationships are more important.
Oh, and one more thing. You have to be willing to do it yourself, too. It’s even fun to allow your kids to put your “toys” in jail if you make your things more important than them.
It also means we value the relationship even when that child spills the ice cream cone in the car or breaks the glass in the kitchen. Remember, they are just things and can be replaced. Your child’s heart is priceless.
