Regis Philbin hosted a daytime talk show with Kelly Ripa over 20 years ago. I was an avid fan…especially since I found I could relate to so many of their topics of discussion. The one that really piqued my interest was MOLES! Regis pleaded with his audience for any advice or suggestions they might have for ridding his property of them. Since I had and have extensive knowledge of and experience with moles, I faxed him the following letter:
“Dear Regis,
Regarding your plea today to alleviate your “mole” problem…here’s the answer. This is not nonsense…these are the only things that might work and the only answer based on personal experience.
At dusk or at dawn, when the little demons are most active, you can either set up camp where you know they’ll be tunneling, or you can hire someone to sit by the mole’s dig site. (It’s most rewarding if you’re the one on duty!) Once the earth begins to move, you can shoot all around that area of the ground with a gun. Or, while using a very sharp instrument you can repeatedly thrust it into the opening they’ve created hoping to whack them in the head. I know this sounds inhumane. Being an animal lover, myself, it was quite stressful the first time I found myself plunging a kitchen knife into a very bumpy and elongated above ground dirt trail.
Now that I’ve told you the only things that possibly will work, allow me to share what didn’t. Might save you some time.
“Poison Peanuts” (available at your nearest Walmart) were my first attempt at ridding the yard of the beasts. Purchased many a container and poured them into the tracks of wrath. Front yard, back yard, the entire yard was torn up. Put rocks (just like the instructions said) over the top of the holes after they were fully loaded. No relief.
Don’t bother to implant sticks of juicy fruit gum into the ground. Doing this will only result in the growth of ‘sweet gum trees.’ (Little joke.) The theory behind the gum method is that the mole will smell the aroma of the gum stick and munch away at it. Because the gum cannot be digested, the mole blows up. Also, you need to wear rubber gloves while unwrapping and inserting the gum into the ground so the mole doesn’t detect human scent. I went through a dozen pairs of gloves and Wrigley’s thinks I’m their top stockholder. Planted as much gum as you spent on mothballs. And, no, the mothballs didn’t work for me either.
After consulting with numerous lawn care specialists, I was told that moles simply love grub worms. Next step…have the acre treated annually for grub worm control. No grubs, no moles. Wrong. What we have are a lot less June bugs…especially in May? We’ve had the yard treated for grubs for the last three years. The moles still have their way.
The crux of the matter is…moles have no merit, are terribly destructive and are virtually impossible to get rid of. You will have to move because they won’t!”
I never heard back from Regis and he didn’t make reference to my suggestions on his show. But, at long last, 20-plus years later, I have found the answer to cure my yard of mole cancer!
Don’t miss the remedy I’m willing to share.
If you care to read next month’s issue…I’ll make you aware.
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