I hope you are having an awesome summer. Remember, summer 2024 will never happen again. Your five-year-old will never be five, your 10-year-old will never be 10, and as parents we are certainly not going backwards in our age, right? Make the most of every day this summer with your family and we want to help!
In our Crazy Cool Family ministry, we talk to parents all over the country about their issues with their kids and their families. Behavior problems, obedience problems, family disconnect and dysfunction, substance abuse, sexual issues. Whatever issues you are having in your family, you are not alone for sure.
But what if we could give you one fairly easy thing to do that will help all your children all the time? One thing you are capable of doing today that over time will have a major impact on their behavior and your relationship with them?
Here it is: Make sure your child feels seen, valued, and understood.
In the book “How to Know a Person” author David Brooks says this: “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”
So well said! What if as parents we worried a little less about our child’s behavior and spent a little more time making sure they are seen and heard?
Did you make the connection in the quote? He connects “the ability to see someone else deeply” to that person feeling valued. Do you think your child will act better or worse if they feel valued? What we believe in our hearts about ourselves has a major impact on how we act on the outside.
We talk about how kids act out in order to get attention. We usually think about that when a child throws a fit but often we don’t see the much more subtle cries to be heard from our children. Feeling seen and heard and valued by their parents is key for every child. It brings so many great things into their hearts. Security, joy, hope, confidence all increase when a child feels valued.
What can you do today to help your child feel seen, valued, and understood?
- When they tell you a story, really listen to it. Look them in the eye, ask them curious questions about it, take a genuine interest in what is important to them.
- Do something fun with them they want to do. Let them pick the restaurant, go to a movie they will like.
- Talk with them when they go to bed or when they come in. Ask them questions – again inquisitive questions, not accusatory ones – about what has happened in their life that day.
- Give them a hug. Regardless of their age, kids enjoy physical affirmation. Even those teenagers!
We have a special, God-given place in our child’s life. When we make them feel seen, valued, and understood, it can launch them into new realms of confidence and maturity. Also, if you are married, try it with your spouse, too! We all need to feel seen, valued, and understood! Happy Summer!
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