“Everything’s bigger in TX!” Including our love of competition – football, dance, underwater basket weaving, or anything in between. It’s part of our Texas history, our TX pride. So it’s not a surprise that our passion for rivalry trickles down into our kids’ competitive lives, as well.
While supporting our kiddos is natural and instinctive, when does support turn into over-involvement? Where do we draw the line between healthy support and harmful over-investment?
Countless studies have found that children who are “sideline coached” by their families are far more likely to:
- Develop anxiety & health issues
- Have low self-efficacy & self-identity
- Experience a lack of control
- Encounter burnout and loss of interest
As well, a healthy, positive parent/child bond can be stunted or damaged.
Healthy support and encouragement have a positive, yet neutral, feel to it and include:
- Showing up for games/performances
- Respecting team rules
- Listening to your child without feedback or criticism
- Cheering for the entire team
- Letting coaches coach
- Providing your opinion about their performance only when asked.
We all want what’s best for our children. It’s literally stamped into our DNA to protect and serve. And, yes, we absolutely want to step in when an experience is becoming harmful or detrimental to our child. That’s our job. But when it comes to the games they play, it’s important for us to remember that it is, indeed, theirs, not ours.
Our kids can gain so much by owning their own experiences:
- Self-esteem, self-control, self-efficacy, and empowerment
- An outlet for stress
- An opportunity to create friendships and experience joy
Our kids’ effort, performance, enjoyment, and entire experience belong to them. We, as parents, have the best job of all – cheerleader, provider, and a safe place to land when the going gets rough.
Pam Ray, BSE, CH, is the owner/director of Dallas West Dance Centre in Argyle; a certified facilitator for ACT, a parenting program by the American Psychological Association; a clinical certified hypnotherapist; and a member of the National Dance Education Organization.
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