I heard someone say one time, “In the technology world, parents are immigrants. Children are citizens.” How profound.
I am in my 50’s so I got my first cell phone in my 30’s. My oldest daughter who is now in her 30’s started out with dial-up internet and MySpace. When my kids were growing up, we had no smartphones and one computer in the study – again with dial-up internet – that everyone had to share. Video streaming was a hope of the future.
Children of today – the kids of the parents we connect with at Crazy Cool Family – have never known a world without smartphones and easy access video content. Any desired information literally right at their fingertips. Just like a second-generation American citizen sees the American culture differently since it is all they have known, so our kids see technology different than their parents. It really is a seismic shift.
How do the Immigrant parents connect with their citizen children in this crazy world of technology? Instead of trying so hard to control them, what if we adjusted our strategy a little?
What if we tried to connect with them about technology?
What if we learned from them so we could overcome our fears and make better decisions?
What if we work together with them toward technology solutions that really work instead of creating unnecessary conflict?
One time a new app came out and Suzanne asked one of our children – they were 15 at the time – “Tell me about this new app all the kids are using now. I don’t get why it is so popular.” That child loved explaining to his “immigrant” mom how it worked, why it was popular, and even why it could lead to kids watching things not good for them. She was able to ask questions about the impact it could have on their life and what they could do to limit the bad content.
You know what happened? After the conversation, the child used the app for a while and eventually decided to take it off their phone. Not because we banned it but because they decided the benefits were not worth the cost. Now I am not saying that will happen all the time but that time it was a real win for the family and helped the parent-child relationship instead to damaging it.
You need to know that because your children are citizens in the world of technology, they can figure anything out – including the protective boundaries you’ve put on their devices. It makes way more sense to get their buy-in when it comes to controls. If they have ownership and can agree with you on the controls, they won’t be as inclined to go around your protections.
Technology is a key modern world opportunity to connect with our child’s heart. How do we do that? Invite them in – ask, talk, create together the protections for time spent on their devices and the apps on those devices. Have them come up with profitable reasons to have their devices in their private spaces.
As the parent, you can always veto any of their ideas, but remember the goal is not to protect them from technology. The goal is to empower and equip them to live in a world of technology successfully on their own. And the added benefit of partnering with them is a better parent-child relationship.
So we’re not saying don’t control screen time and other worthwhile technology solutions. But at the very least let them be a part of the technology solutions with you and through the discussions help them believe we are not just trying to be strict disciplinarians but rather we are caring parents who have their best interests at heart. Our children are much more likely to respond better to controls when they don’t feel like we are trying to control them.
With technology, be an inquisitive immigrant learning from a citizen the ways of the technology world. Work together to establish controls. Do your best to get agreement with them about technology controls and watch them respond better to your ideas.
Don & Suzanne Manning of Argyle have 30+ years’ experience parenting 7 kids. Their mission is to inspire and equip you to build your best family. Learn more at crazycoolfamily.com.
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